“Be smart enough to know when you need help and brave enough to ask for it.”- Zaid Abdelnour
If you’re suffering from a substance addiction, caught in a mental health spiral, or concerned about a loved one, asking for help can feel difficult to impossible. Let’s look at four barriers that can get in the way of asking for the help you need–and how to break through those barriers.
Barrier 1. Fear of Change
If you’re caught up in addiction or a mental health crisis, fear of change might be the biggest reason you don’t ask for help.
It may sound contradictory. After all, you may hate the way you feel right now and the direction your life is heading, so why would you be afraid to change it? But change–even good change–can feel frightening. You may have an underlying fear that you will somehow lose yourself if you change. You will no longer know how to be in the world if everything is different.
We get used to the status quo, even if it’s damaging us. There’s a weird kind of comfort and stability in no-change. You know what to expect–there aren’t any surprises.
Asking for help might bring up questions such as, “Will I be able to survive without drugs and alcohol?” or “What if I can’t ever get better?”
If you’re a family member of someone who needs help, you might also fear change, as much as you crave it. After all, if your loved one begins to heal, that healing process will affect the whole family dynamic. Family members will need to change, too, as they learn how their own behaviors and attitudes have contributed to the issue. They may need to learn how to set boundaries and change the way they express love for each other.
So how can you overcome the fear of change to reach out for help? Acknowledging that fear may be the first step. Also, hearing the stories of people who have been where you are and decided to change can be motivating.
Once you realize how the fear of change is holding you back, you might have just enough courage to break through the barrier and start the recovery journey.
Barrier 2. Fear of Being a Burden
Another barrier that may stop someone from asking for help is the fear of being a burden to their friends and family. The healing journey for addiction and/mental health takes time and consistent effort.
Some may feel added pressure that if they relapse, they will disappoint their loved ones yet again and create even more work for them. It’s not unusual for a client to say, “I don’t even want to try because if I fail I will hurt my family even more.”
However, the wonderful thing about getting treatment at a facility like Elevare is that you’ll become involved in group therapy and community support. You’ll realize that you’re not alone on your recovery journey–and that you have a whole community to help you stay accountable. Yes, family will be important in your healing process, but they won’t be your only source of help.
Families may also fear being a burden on their friends or support systems. But at Elevare, families participate in family therapy and are encouraged to join support groups in which they can talk about their experiences with other families who are going through similar challenges.
Barrier 3. Fear of Being Honest
Asking for help forces people to be honest about what they’re going through. This is important, because honesty sets you up with a solid foundation to begin your recovery–and is a requirement of long-term healing. The act of surrender and overcoming your denial requires rigorous honesty. Asking for help is a sign of strength and the courage to heal.
If you’re struggling with addiction, you may find that being honest about your needs is not always met with trust. Even though your loved ones care for you and want you to get better, they may have learned that they cannot believe everything you say.
That’s okay. Building that trust again will take time. In the meantime, know that being honest with others is, most importantly, an exercise in being honest with yourself.
In a treatment program at Elevare, you’ll practice honesty every day, in individual, group, and family therapy. Your honesty will help you get to the root of your addition or mental health issue–and know how to prepare for triggers that you’ll face when treatment ends.
Honesty is letting go of your ego and realizing that you can’t do this alone. Once you get honest with yourself and others, you will be able to move forward and start your journey towards change.
“Honesty is more than not lying. It is truth telling, truth speaking, truth living, and truth loving.”- James E. Faust
Barrier 4. Guilt and Shame
Asking for help can put one in a vulnerable position. It can feel extremely scary to open the door and share those secrets that have been hidden away for a long time. Feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment can rise up and threaten to keep you from seeking help.
You may feel guilt that your behavior is hurting yourself and people you love, and shame for how “weak” you are that you can’t just stop using alcohol or drugs or “get over” your sadness or anxiety.
Guilt and shame thrive on staying hidden, so to ask for help can feel dangerous–what will people think of you? Will your loved ones lose respect for you?
As you will learn in treatment, guilt and shame are different from each other. Guilt is what you feel when you know you’ve done something to hurt someone else. If you’re struggling with addiction or mental health, you may feel guilt at how you have treated your loved ones. Maybe you have cheated or lied. Maybe you have lashed out or been abusive in your anger. Maybe you have neglected your family. Guilt is something that can be dealt with. How do you deal with it? You apologize and do what you can to make up for the hurt your actions have caused.
Shame, however, is not a helpful or necessary emotion. Shame doesn’t inspire you to change–shame keeps you bogged down in secrecy and isolation. Both guilt and shame take some humility to overcome. Getting to the point at which you’re willing to say, “I am not okay. I need help,” requires temporarily setting aside guilt until you’re in a more stable place to address it and courageously ignoring feelings of shame. Let it go.
“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” —Deepak Chopra
Families also struggle with guilt and shame. Questions like, “Was I a bad parent/spouse/child?” “What should I have done?” and “Why won’t they let me help them?” can plague a family member into many sleepless nights. The best thing a family member can do is show love and support with healthy boundaries. Our family program at Elevare helps families learn how to set boundaries and provide loving, honest support. Families learn how to address their guilt and let go of shame.
How do I get help for myself or a loved one?
If you are caught up in an addiction or mental health crisis and are still unsure of what to do, start by making a phone call or sending an email to our admissions counselors. We will keep your call confidential and help you decide what kind of treatment might best fit your situation. We encourage you to find the courage to change the things you can because healing is possible and worth it.
